been doing alot of thinking today.
and well.
its not going to be a humorous post or anything.
its about wishing for things so hard.
and the danger of it all.
be careful what you wish for.
you might just get what you're wishing for.
apparently this situation has allowed me to inspire.
a friend for his new msn monicker.
"if life is a bitch, ride it hard."
its.
well.
crude.
but. theres some truth in it.
emotions are extremely fleeting.
when we desire things hard enough.
it feels like eternity when we're not even.
close.
close to what we want.
what we're searching for.
in this case.
its always been a place to call home.
no not that my family's giving me problems.
juz.
a spiritual and emotional home outside of home.
a home away from home.
within.
somebody else.
not physically. persist that dirty though.
pfffft.
if you had any.
its always been a struggle.
thats ended disastrously.
in fact its even earned me things i wish i never had.
and as much as i regret it.
i dont regret it.
it just shows how much a bitch life can be sometimes.
hence the abovementioned.
then again.
its a lesson.
that maybe im not so cut out for games.
mind games.
emotional games.
everything thats pertaining to the intangible side of social relations.
and.
while. i still harbour.hope.
im pretty much willing to dash it.
lest it grows into something.
i can't identify with in future.
sometimes i feel alienated from myself.
i wish i was a bystander in my own life.
and how much i can slap myself when i fall into.
the same holes.
over and over again.
well... maybe.
3 times.
social disasters and taboo and bad eggs.
so while my friend is riding it hard.
i rather slap it.
in time to come.
if life moves on in singularity and not duality.
at least ive got it all charted out.
life til 50 doesn't sound that bad.
at least.
i'll never stop growing and doing things i desire.
pleasing people aint fun.
those that matter to you.
and those that don't matter to you.
either way.
some u choose to oblige willingly.
the rest grudgingly.
i love my current circle of friends.
and i thank Pa for them being with me.
and also i love...
i love those that are outside it too.
by my conscious choice.
love them from a distance.
this is getting lenghty.
and well.
juz typing and typing whatever comes to my head.
is a perfect venue for destressing.
i will. make life better.
and nobody's going to take me down.
its onli fun that.
you give the detractors of your life no chance.
to enjoy the pleasure in seeing you fall.
and telling you.
i told you so.
slap them.
D
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